The Apache Mountain War (Draft 3)

The Apache Mountain War (Draft 3). A tale about Breckinridge Elkins from 1935. First published in Action Stories, December 1935. There are four known drafts of this story, and it seems the published version is essentially just a slightly edited version of draft four. The third draft, transcribed here, presents a nearly complete and fully developed version of the humorous and chaotic events on Bear Creek, showing Howard’s robust comedic timing, rough-and-tumble mountain folk, and the massive, good-natured but frequently confused Breckinridge Elkins at the center of it all.

See also: The published story and the synopsis.

Breckinridge Elkins finds himself once again drawn into the familial chaos that pervades Bear Creek when Aunt Tascosa Polk demands he retrieve her husband, Uncle Shadrach, who has gone off on a liquor binge at the Apache Mountain settlement. Aunt Tascosa wants Breckinridge not only to bring him home but to scare him sober for good.

Inspired by a painted jackass named Joshua, Breckinridge devises a plan to make Uncle Shadrach believe he’s hallucinating. While stealing the donkey from a cousin’s barn, Breckinridge runs into young Kit Kirby and her suitor Harry Braxton, who seek to elope due to Kit’s father Buckner’s vehement disapproval of the match. Breckinridge, always eager to help (and meddle), devises a parallel scheme to distract Buckner by sending him on a wild-goose chase to Wolf Canyon for a fake gold strike.

The plan starts well enough: Breckinridge hauls the colorfully painted and perpetually sleepy Joshua in a wagon to the settlement and sneaks him into Buckner’s house, tying him to Shadrach’s bed. Meanwhile, Kit and Harry prepare to run away together. However, everything begins to unravel when Buckner, unexpectedly still at home, awakens during the night. Breckinridge’s plan erupts into chaos as Buckner discovers the couple eloping, Shadrach is frightened out of his wits by the sight of Joshua, and Breckinridge has to intervene.

Chasing after the fleeing couple in a wagon with Buckner, Breckinridge steers them into a crash that temporarily halts Buckner’s pursuit. The chaos escalates when Uncle Jeppard Grimes and his sons track Breckinridge down, furious over the “kidnapping” of Joshua. A violent and comical brawl ensues, full of misunderstandings, flying fists, and collapsing relatives.

By the end of it all, Breckinridge is battered, insulted, and accused of all manner of villainy—despite his good intentions. Shadrach, terrified by the painted jackass during a rare moment of sobriety, has drawn the conclusion that water—not alcohol—is the cause of his hallucinations and returns to drinking with renewed dedication. Aunt Tascosa, far from being grateful, accuses Breckinridge of trying to drown her husband.

Thus ends another madcap adventure on Bear Creek—where even the best-laid plans turn into a whirlwind of comic violence and stubborn mountain pride.

• Breckinridge Elkins – Narrator and protagonist; massive, well-meaning, strong, but not especially bright. Tasked with sobering up Uncle Shadrach.
• Uncle Shadrach Polk – Breckinridge’s uncle; a friendly but habitual drinker whose binges cause repeated family turmoil.
• Aunt Tascosa Polk – Shadrach’s wife; domineering, loud, and determined to make Shadrach sober—through any means necessary.
• Captain Kidd – Breckinridge’s notoriously vicious horse.
• Joshua – Uncle Jeppard Grimes’ jackass, painted garishly as part of Breckinridge’s scheme to scare Uncle Shadrach sober.
• Cousin Bill Gordon – Owner of the paint used on Joshua; father to several mischievous boys.
• Joe, Jim, and Esau Gordon – Bill’s sons; pranksters who help paint Joshua and indirectly inspire Breckinridge’s plan.
• Uncle Jeppard Grimes – Owner of Joshua; violent-tempered and quick to overreact when he believes Joshua has been kidnapped.
• Kit Kirby – Buckner Kirby’s daughter; in love with Harry Braxton and determined to elope with him.
• Harry Braxton – Kit’s suitor; viewed with contempt by Kit’s father due to a long-standing family grudge.
• Cousin Buckner Kirby – Kit’s domineering father; fierce opponent of the Braxtons, quick to violence, and obsessed with gold.
• Joel Garfield – Owner of the stillhouse in Apache Mountain; provider of Shadrach’s liquor and lured away by false gold strike news.
• Bill Elkins – Relative seen briefly at the end, who informs Breckinridge of Shadrach’s route home.