A Two-Fisted Santa Claus

Introduction

“A Two-Fisted Santa Claus” by Robert E. Howard features Steve Costigan, the rough and tumble sailor, unexpectedly thrust into the role of Santa Claus. On a journey that mixes humor with action, Costigan finds himself in a series of misadventures involving bandits, mistaken identities, and a mission to bring joy to children at a mountain mission during Christmas. This tale combines Howard’s signature style of robust storytelling with a festive theme, showcasing his ability to weave humor into his action-packed narratives.

The story was received by Howard’s agent, Kline, on October 27, 1933.

Cross Plains Library has one original draft of this story and a retyped draft by the Otis Adelbert Kline Agency featuring Dennis Dorgan written under the pseudonym, Patrick Ervin. 

See also “A Two-Fisted Santa Claus (synopsis)“.

The story

Steve Costigan, while in Peiping, defends a Chinese child from an abuser and is noticed by Dr. Ebenezer Twilliger, who runs a nearby mission school. Twilliger hires Costigan to play Santa Claus for the mission children on Christmas Eve. Despite his rough exterior, Costigan is touched by the mission and agrees, motivated by his fondness for children and the joy of Christmas.

Preparations begin with Costigan tasked to buy toys in Peiping and transport them to the mission. However, in the process, he is deceived by smugglers who trick him into carrying a box they claim contains gifts for another mission. These smugglers are actually transporting ammunition for bandits, led by the notorious Kwang Tzu.

The story takes a turn when Costigan, dressed as Santa Claus, and Twilliger are caught in a raid by Kwang Tzu’s bandits at the mission. The bandits believe Costigan’s toy-filled box has their ammunition and capture both men, taking them to their mountain hideout. As the bandits discover the mix-up, a battle ensues between the bandits and government soldiers who have followed Costigan’s dog, Mike, to the hideout. Mike plays a heroic role in navigating the soldiers to the cave.

The climax unfolds dramatically as the soldiers rescue Costigan and Twilliger, with the bandits being captured or killed, including Kwang Tzu, who meets his end at the jaws of Mike. Despite the harrowing night, Costigan insists on delivering the toys to the mission children, fulfilling his role as Santa Claus in a truly heroic fashion.

Characters

  • Steve Costigan: Main protagonist, a sailor with a tough demeanor but a soft heart for children.
  • Dr. Ebenezer Twilliger: Runs the mission school and hires Costigan as Santa Claus.
  • Kwang Tzu: Notorious bandit chief who raids the mission and captures Costigan and Twilliger.
  • Young Officer: Leads the government soldiers to the bandit’s cave, facilitated by Mike.
  • Mike (bulldog): Costigan’s loyal and fierce bulldog and companion, plays a pivotal role in tracking and defeating the bandits.

Alternate title:

PLAYING SANTA CLAUS.

Published in: