The play is set in four scenes, each unfolding a part of the humorous tale involving the President of Beffum College and his faculty.

Scene 1:
The President’s study room. The President, an elderly man with a white mustache and beard, is reading when he calls his Chinese servant, Chang, to inform the cook about dinner plans. The President makes a pun and then mentions a novel about a star college football player who was kidnapped before a big game. Suddenly, he hears cheering outside and learns from Chang that the college football team is missing. The President suspects foul play and orders the dean, the janitor, and all the professors to his office.

Scene 2:
In the President’s office, the President addresses the assembled dean, professors, and the janitor. He explains that the entire football team and the student body are missing, and he has found evidence of suspicious activities. Faced with the dilemma of the upcoming game, the President declares that the faculty must form a football team to defend the school's honor. Despite their lack of athletic prowess, the faculty members are assigned various positions based on their whimsical qualifications. The President motivates them to embody the school spirit and prepare for the game.

Scene 3:
On the football field, the opposing team arrives looking bewildered. The faculty team enters in a mix of athletic and non-athletic attire. The President rallies the team with a bizarre and spirited cheer. As the game begins, the faculty displays complete ignorance of football rules, resulting in absurd and comedic actions. The professor of science pole-vaults with the ball, the dean deflates the ball and hides it, and the professors employ a variety of nonsensical strategies. Despite their antics, they manage to make a touchdown. The opposing captain, frustrated by the chaos, forfeits the game, declaring the faculty as the winners. The President declares victory and calls for a celebration.

Scene 4:
Back in the President’s office, the President admits to a mistake due to a misunderstanding by Chang. The actual game was played at a nearby state capital, where the real team won. The opposing team they faced was actually a junior college team meant to play the high school. Despite the mix-up, the President and the dean agree that they have proven the spirit of Beffum College. The play concludes with the President inviting the faculty to celebrate with his private stock of spirits.