What the Deuce?

Introduction

“What the Deuce?” is an unfinished, satirical horror tale set in a grotesquely comedic version of a haunted castle and the supernatural underworld. The story parodies Gothic tropes, upper-class affectation, and classic demonological figures through exaggerated dialogue, absurd scenarios, and tongue-in-cheek narration. Likely intended as a humorous riff on ghost stories and tales of diabolical bargains, the piece abruptly ends in its second chapter, but not before it introduces a surreal world populated with famous devils and bewildered Englishmen.

450 words, incomplete.

Detailed summary

The story opens in Chapter I: “The Ghost of duke de Gooie”, introducing Reginald Van Duffe, a guest at the old and ominously named Castle of Buncbosh-on-the-Blooey, located somewhere in France. In true Gothic fashion, Reginald is startled awake by a spooky voice proclaiming itself the ghost of Duke de Gooie, who was allegedly murdered in the castle and now haunts its corridors seeking revenge. The ghost announces that Reggie is to be his first victim.

Displaying notable courage—or the lack thereof—Reginald promptly dives under the bed. The ghost reacts with theatrical wailing and a “Sioux ghost-dance,” but with the arrival of dawn, he vanishes in a puff of frustration.

Chapter II: “Reggie Sees Asmodeus” continues the absurdity as the ghost physically yanks Reggie from his bed and hauls him through space. Reggie laments the state of his hair during this terrifying transit. He is dropped into a vast, hellish cavern filled with an array of classic horror-fantasy creatures: ghosts, witches, demons, goblins, vampires, werewolves, and others.

There, he meets Asmodeus, a diabolical figure in black who serves as his host. Reggie, attempting to remain polite, extends a hand in greeting, only for Asmodeus to drop a cat into it, prompting mocking laughter from the entire supernatural crowd.

Asmodeus proceeds to introduce a number of iconic devils:

  • Mephistopheles, whose handshake burns Reggie’s hand.

  • Lucifer, who taps Reggie on the head with a trident.

  • Pluto, whimsically presented as the inventor of “Pluto Water” and prone to prodding guests with a red-hot spear.

Amid the jests, a goblin offers Reggie a chair, and Asmodeus rakes his claws across Reggie’s face, asking what business brought him there. The story ends mid-scene, leaving unresolved the purpose of Reggie’s descent into the underworld, the plans of his demonic hosts, and whether he escapes or embraces his bizarre fate.

Characters

  • Reginald Van Duffe
    The protagonist. A pompous but hapless Englishman staying at a haunted French castle. He is kidnapped by a ghost and thrown into a cavern filled with demons. Wears silk nightclothes, maintains concern for his hair and appearance, and provides the story’s main comedic reactions.
  • The Ghost of Duke de Gooie
    A murdered nobleman whose spirit haunts the Castle of Buncbosh-on-the-Blooey. Seeks “revengeancement” and attempts to terrify Reggie, only to vanish at daybreak.
  • Asmodeus
    A principal devil figure who introduces Reggie to various demonic entities. Wears black, is theatrical, and commands the scene with gleeful malice.
  • Mephistopheles
    Another traditional infernal figure. Described as medium-sized and sardonic, with a handshake hot enough to burn Reggie.
  • Lucifer
    Presented in an unusually cheerful manner. Greets Reggie as “old topper” and taps him playfully with a trident.
  • Pluto
    Introduced humorously as the “inventor of Pluto Water,” Pluto takes part in tormenting Reggie with a red-hot spear.
  • Unnamed Goblin
    A creature who offers Reggie a chair amid the demonic introductions.

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