Unhand me, Villain

Introduction

“Unhand Me, Villain!” is a humorous and parodic short story first published in The Tattler, the Brownwood High School paper, on March 1, 1923. Inspired by Gus Mager’s comic strip character Hawkshaw the Detective, this story combines elements of romance and adventure, but primarily serves as a comedic take on traditional romantic tropes and detective fiction.

Summary

The story begins with Reginald Adjernon Lancelot Montmorency pleading his love to Gwinivere de Readycash, the daughter of the wealthy multimillionaire Mr. Readycash. Gwinivere laments that her father disapproves of Reginald and prefers the Duke de Blooey from Montenegro because of his checker-playing skills. Reginald passionately declares his intention to duel with the Duke, but Gwinivere persuades him otherwise. Instead, she suggests that Reginald ask her father for her hand in marriage.

Emboldened by his love, Reginald marches to Mr. Readycash’s study, rehearsing a speech asserting his determination to marry Gwinivere and requesting a significant sum of money for their honeymoon. Upon entering the study, however, Reginald’s bravado fades, and he stumbles through his words. Mr. Readycash mocks him and, after a brief and humiliating encounter, Reginald is forcefully ejected from the study.

Outside, Reginald collides with the Duke de Blooey, who, upon recovering, vows to exact revenge on Reginald. At this moment, Mr. Readycash storms out, furious at Reginald for causing a commotion. As Reginald attempts to flee, he is lifted and thrown down the stairs by an unseen force. Gwinivere rushes to his aid, but her father commands her to marry the Duke immediately.

As the Duke seizes Gwinivere, she cries out, “Unhand me, villain!” At that moment, two men burst into the room—one tall and thin, the other short and stocky. They tackle the Duke, handcuff him, and reveal his true identity as Booze Bill, the Bowery Bum, a notorious criminal.

The tall man, Hawkshaw the Detective, explains that he has been tracking the impostor across the globe. He demands that Mr. Readycash allow Gwinivere to marry Reginald and provide a substantial reward for preventing the marriage to the villain. Hawkshaw also threatens to expose Mr. Readycash’s past as a dishonest bartender if he does not comply.

In the end, Mr. Readycash begrudgingly agrees, writing the checks as requested. Reginald and Gwinivere embrace, and Hawkshaw reveals his identity before departing with his captive.

Characters

  • Reginald Adjernon Lancelot Montmorency: The young lover of Gwinivere, determined to win her hand in marriage.
  • Gwinivere de Readycash: The beautiful and accomplished heiress, daughter of Mr. Readycash.
  • Mr. Readycash: Gwinivere’s wealthy father, initially opposed to Reginald.
  • Duke de Blooey/Booze Bill, the Bowery Bum: A con artist posing as a nobleman, ultimately revealed and captured.
  • Hawkshaw the Detective: The detective who exposes the Duke’s true identity and facilitates the union of Reginald and Gwinivere.

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