Introduction
“The Toy Rattle Murder Case” is a murder mystery parody that blends absurd humor with exaggerated characters and situations. The narrative follows the eccentric detective Vilo Pants and his companions as they investigate the bizarre murder of a multi-millionaire, leading to an unexpected and comical conclusion.
The Toy Rattle Murder Case by (Jack) A.S.S. Von Swine. From a letter to Tevis Clyde Smith, circa May 1932.
Here is a short extract:
At that instant in rushed Inspector Squarkam. “Vilo!” he shouted. “Guess who’s been murdered!”
“Sergeant Teeth!” shouted Vilo, leaping with glee.
“Wrong!” yelled Squarkam, as they clasped hands and danced about the center-table. “You owe me a cigar!”
Vilo was never one to show his disappointment. After rushing madly about in circles, foaming at the mouth, biting chunks out of the chairs and tables, and shattering a mahogany wine-stand over my head, he asked quietly, meanwhile hammering Squarkam’s head against the floor, by the ears, “Who is it then, which is murdered?”
“You mean, ‘whom is murdered’,” I suggested. For even Vilo is not infallible.
Detailed summary
Chapter 1
The story begins with Vilo Pants seated on a mantle-piece, embodying his usual detachment from reality. The narrator, Von Swine, sits at his feet, tugging at Vilo’s shoelace with his teeth to keep him grounded. Inspector Squarkam bursts in, excitedly announcing a murder. Vilo incorrectly guesses Sergeant Teeth as the victim, leading to a wild and destructive reaction. After calming down, Vilo and Squarkam exchange blows, displaying their chaotic camaraderie. Von Swine corrects Vilo’s grammar, receiving a beating for his efforts, before they head to the crime scene.
Chapter 2
At the crime scene, multi-millionaire Ezra Tunkett lies dead with his head battered. An infant in a cradle nearby eyes them malevolently while taking a swig from a bottle marked with three “X’s.” Vilo, demonstrating his deductive prowess, immediately suspects black magic. The infant, however, declares it’s just good rye. Teeth asks what to do with the body, and Vilo orders it dumped in the ash-can. The infant then attacks Von Swine, knocking him unconscious.
Chapter 3
Vilo triumphantly announces he has discovered the murderer: the infant, who is actually Murderous Mike of Chicago. Vilo explains his suspicion arose from the infant’s imposing size. The infant used a toy rattle made of Krupp steel to kill Tunkett. Vilo admits he confirmed his suspicion by reading the morning papers. The story ends with Vilo appropriating Von Swine’s breakfast and a tip from Squarkam, while Von Swine marvels at Vilo’s brilliance.
Characters
- Vilo Pants: The eccentric detective, characterized by his violent tendencies and exaggerated deductive abilities.
- Von Swine (Narrator): Vilo’s loyal but often abused companion, who provides a humorous and subservient perspective.
- Inspector Squarkam: The enthusiastic inspector who works with Vilo and shares in the chaotic investigation.
- Sergeant Teeth: Another member of the investigative team, involved in the absurd banter and actions.
- Ezra Tunkett: The murder victim, a multi-millionaire whose death sets off the investigation.
- The Infant/Murderous Mike: The imposing six-and-a-half-foot-tall murderer disguised as a baby, who uses a heavy toy rattle as his weapon.
Published in:
- THE COLLECTED LETTERS OF REH VOL. 2: 1930-1932, (page 346) Robert E. Howard Foundation Press, October 2007
- SENTIMENT: AN OLIO OF RARER WORKS, REH Foundation Press, December 2009
- TUTTE LE INDAGINI DI STEVE HARRISON, Elara, September 2020 (Italian)
- THE COLLECTED LETTERS OF REH VOL. 2: 1930-1932 (Letter 206) ultimate edition, Robert E. Howard Foundation Press, June 2022