“The Ideal Girl” A 95-word essay by Howard written for the Tattler (Brownwood High School):

In the first place, she should be at least six feet tall and weigh about two hundred pounds, so she could take in washing or coal heaving at wharfs, while I took a vacation. As beauty is apt to make a woman vain, she should have a face that resembled a female crocodile with hippopotamus ancestors. As to hair, eyes and so on, I have no especial preference, but if she squinted with one ye and goggled with the other, it would be all right. Also, she should have a strong Swedish accent.

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