Lives and Crimes of Notable Artists

Introduction

“Lives and Crimes of Notable Artists” is from a letter (#134) Howard wrote to Tevis Clyde Smith, circa June 1930.

In this humorous sketch, the three main characters represent actual individuals from the life of author Robert E. Howard, thinly disguised under the names Vinson, Smith, and Howard. These characters are inspired by the real-life personalities of Robert E. Howard (represented by Howard in the sketch), Tevis Clyde Smith (Smith), and Truett Vinson (Vinson), two of whom were Howard’s close friends.

  1. Vinson (inspired by Truett Vinson): He becomes extraordinarily successful through his book, “The Sex Life of the Female Cockroach,” amassing a vast fortune. Instead of using his wealth for better pursuits, Vinson chooses to retire to the South Seas, attempting to drink himself to death in an unconventional self-destructive act that reflects a satirical version of Truett Vinson’s persona.
  2. Smith (inspired by Tevis Clyde Smith): Smith’s character echoes the life and exploits of Tevis Clyde Smith, but in a comically scandalous light. After building his fortune through successful novels, Smith squanders it all on hedonistic pursuits involving alcohol and chorus girls. He gets involved in a rebellion in Mexico, lives lavishly in South America, and creates various scandals as a society editor in the US, where he publishes compromising photos of his employer. Escaping to England after the scandal, Smith continues his antics, publishing puzzling verses and failing to appear at his own high-profile wedding to assist Howard in publishing a controversial book.
  3. Howard (inspired by Robert E. Howard): The character of Howard humorously mirrors the real-life Robert E. Howard’s rebellious spirit. His character incites a rebellion in Ireland but later betrays the rebels, becoming a controversial figure. He claims a lineage from the house of Surrey, causing further controversy, and continues to instigate conflict with Lord William of Surrey. Howard also partakes in public drunken displays with Smith, and together, they publish a book that insults and degrades the Irish, causing a stir in society.

In their respective journeys, the three artists demonstrate a chaotic disregard for societal norms, benefactors, and authorities. They write scandalous and insulting books about influential figures, escape legal troubles and public outrage, and conduct themselves with a level of audacity that borders on the absurd. Their antics lead them to Paris, where they plan to swindle the government out of its colonial possessions. This event is humorously detailed in another chapter of Rupert K. Goofo’s book, “Lives and Crimes of Notable Artists,” reflecting the audacity and recklessness of these thinly disguised versions of Robert E. Howard, Tevis Clyde Smith, and Truett Vinson.

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